Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
