I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
