All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
