he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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