So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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