i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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