I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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