My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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