Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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