dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
