We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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