What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
