Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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