found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
