The maid of honor just puked.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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