an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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