I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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