I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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