He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
BRING THE BAGELS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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