Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
