When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The air taste purple.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
