He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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