I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
