She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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