that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize