I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
