I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
