I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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