If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
