That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
