the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
