hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
