There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
