rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize