nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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