I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
