She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
