I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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