I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
