worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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