guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
