I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.