you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...