I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis