my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with