We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
