Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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