he puts the penis in happiness.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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