Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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