You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
