I wanna bring you to show and tell
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up under a house in Key West
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
