theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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