Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
