Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
