Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
