Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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