i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
