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you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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