Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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