So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
