I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
