I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
