oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
