i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
