i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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