My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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