i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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