i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
