Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
