I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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