Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
