You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
