If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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