"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
