you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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