think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
