it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
