the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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