I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
smell my finger.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize