Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
