hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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