Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
