ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
